Twenty-Two Weeks

Mixture of exhilaration and anxiousness spread on to our faces when the pregnancy test turned out to be positive. In fact, my husband was happier than me, who endearingly loves children. For most of the women being able to conceive a baby is the happiest moment of their lives. I, on the other hand was acting normal as if nothing new has happened. We both started to read the pregnancy books such as “ What to expect when you are expecting” and “Getting organized for your New Born Baby” and searched Internet to ease our inquisitive mind.

Family and friends were excited when they learned the news about my pregnancy. My mum and my mother-in-law were the happiest among others. It was only that they did not verbally tell us to “ hurry up for grand child” But their silences could tell us lots that they were secretly yearning for a grandchild. A sudden demise of my brother in law’s baby boy, has given huge grief to the family. And after this horrifying incident, perhaps my in-laws anticipated good news from our side to seal up the hole.

During my first trimester it was a bit discomfort with all the morning sicknesses, nausea, headache and mood swings. Travelling to work was quite uneasy during the sweltering and sticky season. Thereupon, I resigned from the job and stayed home to take care of my soon- to- arrive- guest and myself. Two days a week I regularly attended the evening classes.

I first went for the antenatal check up on 28th May 2008. On that day my BMI was measured and pressure was examined. Moreover, urine and blood were tested along with my abdominal part. The nurse in the antenatal clinic inquired me whether I had any illness history or anyone in my family suffered from any miscarriage, abortion and death of the child after delivery. All of the questions that were asked turned out to be negative, which indicated that I was in a good state both mentally and physically. When I was about to leave, the nurse handed a file & told me to go to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital for appointments.

On 18th June, ultra sound confirmed that I was 10 weeks pregnant. The doctor confirmed that everything was normal and concluded the conversation by announcing, “ Your expected delivery date would be 11th January 2009.” Again regular routine such as urine test, BMI measured were done and the doctor handed me appointment slips for another follow-ups. Since my mum has diabetic, the doctor suggested that I undergo glucose test for which he set an appointment date as well.

During my second antenatal visit, the nurse told me that my weight was slightly low. She asked me whether I had a good appetite. I told her that I was eating well and my food-varied daily with more vegetables, beans and fruits. It was a bit worrying matter. I wonder if something unusual has happened. As I was eating many meals in a day, I was only vomiting very occasionally and I had a very good appetite comparing some of my friends who revealed that they were craving for something and some food they strongly hated. I was eating like a normal person and that made me feel that I was not pregnant at all, only when I saw my bulging tummy that assured me that I was soon going to become a mother.

Second trimester began and time came for another ultra sound check up. It was the bright sunny day when I walked to the hospital for the check up. I handed my appointment slip to the reception and waited at Room 2 for my name to be called. Finally, I was called and the nurse performed the check-up and told me the fetus looked like a boy. In the middle of examination, the nurse said that she could not measure properly and told me to wait for another senior nurse. I felt something wrong, my cell-phone was ringing but I was not able to answer the call. It was my husband to make sure that I reached the hospital safely and everything was okay. Few minutes later, a senior looking nurse came and tried her best to measure the size of the baby. After some struggle, she said, “ I think there is some problem, if you have time you have to wait for the doctor. The doctor will do the ultra sound. Do you have time?” I thought for a while and said, “ Okay, I will wait for the doctor.” Then I was asked to wait for the doctor in Room 2. Fear escalated in me and I sensed that there is something very wrong. I made myself stronger and texted Rabin that I was waiting for the doctor. I sat there swallowing my tears and negative thoughts buzzed in my head. I felt so weak without knowing what the doctor would notify me.

Around 4 pm, my name was called. I was asked by the nurse to lie down on the bed. Six health workers surrounded me and I shook like a leaf. The lady doctor sat down beside me and did the ultra sound. They spoke in Chinese, which I did not understand but I sensed that there has arisen some complication. The doctor measured the size of the baby and told me what part she was measuring. Her facial expression and one or two words that she said like “ short legs, strawberry shaped head, etc” made me frightened. No matter how afraid I was I felt I remained calm as if I heard nothing or everything was under control. When the doctor wiped her hands, the nurse swabbed my abdomen and I slowly got up and took a seat next to Dr Teresa. She wrote the measurement on the piece of sheet and looked at me, she asked me lot of questions such as “ Is this your first pregnancy? Did you or any of your family members have abortions or miscarriages? Were you relative with your husband? Did any member in your family have physical disabilities? Do you drink or smoke?” and many more questions. I was agitated with her questions. I simply said “ NO DOCTOR, all my family members were/are in a good conditions, no one has a physical disability.” Then she began, “ Well, the ultra sound showed that there is some complication in the baby, the baby is a boy. His size is smaller than he is supposed to be. More importantly, his head looks funny, like a strawberry shape and his limbs are shorter. It means the baby is abnormal; he is suffering from skeletal dysplasia. In this condition, if the baby is born, he is sure to die after few days or months. You may have to undergo Amniocentesis; this will detect the genetic disorder. The child with this kind of condition will have the same intellectual power like us but he may be handicapped. The best option is to electively terminate the pregnancy. Abortion can be done in different ways. This is good for the sake of your health” After hearing her, apparently my eyes were covered with tears and my voice was shaky. I asked her few questions and told her that I will speak to my husband and we will discuss on this subject. I rose up and after getting another appointment slip I walked to the female washroom. There I shut myself for few minutes and burst into tears. I wiped my tears and walked out of the hospital. On the way home, I controlled myself not to cry. However, after reaching home, I hovered on to the bed and cried with all my heart out. After a bit relief, I mustered my courage to call my husband. He said hello and then I collapsed with tears. I slowly murmured and told him what the doctor had said to me. He said not to worry. He consoled me with all he could. Then I slowly felt better and began to think optimistically.

On August 12th we both went to hospital. After we were called in the room, the doctor who this time happens to be a male, doctor with spectacles on and he was limping. It was crystal clearly seen that his one leg was shorter than the other one. He again told us the similar thing that Dr. Teresa had told me a week earlier. Amniocentesis is a prenatal test in which a small amount of amniotic fluid is removed from the sac surrounding the fetus and is tested. The sample of amniotic fluid (less than one ounce) is removed through a fine needle inserted into the uterus through the abdomen, under ultrasound guidance. The fluid is then sent to a laboratory for analysis. Different tests can be performed on a sample of amniotic fluid, in my case was to detect whether there was any genetic disorder. After the test, we were told that the result would be in two weeks time. The doctor told us to see him again on 28th August for the follow up.

With heavy hearts we went home and we made our mind to face the reality. I could not help crying every time we talked about it. We were ready for termination. Thus, we decided that we would soon perform the termination. Rabin had a doubt whether the doctor’s observation was wrong. Apparently he heard from some people that the doctors do not check up properly, they neglect and stuff like that. But I was adamant that the doctor being right. We even had a small squabble regarding the ethnic minority’s condition, how they are being unjustly treated and discriminated in Hong Kong. Well, I do agree that we being ethnic minority we are treated differently than the locals but the doctors would not just give false information to cut down the growing population.

At 22 weeks, I was lying on the bed while the doctor performed the ultrasound. This time the doctor somehow made us smile on our faces. Everything was normal, except that the legs seem shorter than the normal size. The ultrasound was concluded and the doctor said, “His legs are still shorter. What would you like to do? Well, the decision is yours. Also, the amniocentesis turned out to be negative; it meant that the baby does not have any genetic problem.” Bravo, that was what I said inwardly when doctor blurted out “ this time the baby’s hands have become normal, they are in standard proportion” A little bit of hope flickered on us. We both discussed for a while and Rabin said to the doctor, “ I think we will keep the baby, as you just told us that the baby’s hands are normal, except the legs. I think as the weeks pass by the legs might reach to the normal size. Also, that the amniocentesis turned out to be negative, which means there is no genetic problem. Doctor, shall we will come in two weeks time for another ultrasound?” The doctor nodded his head as an acceptance and handed us appointment slip for 10th September.

As pledge that I had made, if things turned out to be positive, we would go to Happy Valley, Hindu Temple and offer $100. In no time, we rushed to the designated place in spite of scorching weather. It was like making a pilgrimage. The temple’s door only opened at 4:00pm, we thanked god and returned home in a very happy frame of mind.

Still, full of doubts surrounded in the decision we made. I made a phone call to Chitra who happened to visit Dr Wong for her check-up. We visited Dr Wong and told our problem. Ultra sound was performed and the doctor made a similar statement. He said that even the things turned out to be positive, we are to make our own decision. He said, “ Even though the amniocentesis turned out to be negative, the complication in the baby might have arise from infection that cannot be distinguished. The infection might have occurred after conceiving the baby by the external factors could be anything.” Rabin said, “ Is there any possibility that if we wait for another two weeks, the baby’s legs might grow to normal size?” The doctor said that he would discuss with his colleague while we wait him in the waiting room. Finally, Dr Wong said, “ Okay, there might be some chances. Please do come after two weeks and we will see then.” We adieu after paying $500 for the ultrasound.

The only option that remained was to wait for another final ultrasound before we could make the most important decision of our lives. I added more stuff to my diet such as three glasses of Frisomum Milk every day. My diet had more portions of vegetables, fruits, lentils and lean meats. More often I became hungry quickly, I had handy crackers, bread cereals and fruit juices. I motivated myself by eating more healthily and walking on regular basis while my husband jogged whenever we went to the park.

The day for ultrasound came, we visited the clinic on the designated time, but then the doctor came 1.5 hour later. The waiting room was swamped with the patients. Finally, the doctor came and we were called right away. The doctor performed the ultrasound, unfortunately, the doctor said, “ I am so sorry to tell you that the size of the baby’s legs have not yet developed. An abnormal child is not compatible in today’s world. It is for the sake of your own good.” After saying this, he pated at my back and vanished to the other room.

In the Mc Donald’s, we discussed and approved that we were ready for termination. My husband talked good side of the termination and counseled me to think positively. His convincing words made me weep on time to time. He was my only resting shoulder which I thought while he encouraged me when I was so feeble that my crying was left into hiccups. My throat was so dry and my head throbbed continuously.

No matter how painful and hard it was, I was to undergo the whole pregnancy procedure, as I was already 22 weeks. On 11th September, I was hospitalized in F8 ward. At 10:30am, needle was injected to stop the fetus’s heartbeat. An hour later, 2 tablets of Prostagladin were inserted through vagina. Few minutes later, a mild contraction began but I was able to sleep and eat well. On 3rd day of hospitalization, at 11:30pm, two more tablets were induced, that was the time when the drug showed some special effects. Nevertheless three blankets covered me I was trembling vigorously. The uterine contraction was so painful, regular & increased in intensity of every 2-3 minutes intervals and from mild to strong contraction. I thought I was dying at any time. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, the pain subsided for a while and again returned. I prayed to god and tried to distract myself from the present situation still I was helpless. I cried bitterly whole night.

At 5:00am, next morning, I got up slowly, sipped water and went to the washroom, after I walked to my bed, the pain was intensifying and it was too much to tolerate. So, I walked to the reception desk and in a weepy voice, “ Nurse, it is so painful. Please, give me anything that will stop my pain.” The nurse told me to go to my room and will inject painkiller. The pain now would continue without stopping for a minute or second. It was the most horrifying moment of my life. The nurse injected me at my back, thinking that the pain would disappear, but to my dismay, there was more intense uterine contraction. God, I just could not bear anymore. The nurse stayed by my side and assured me that the baby can be out at any time. The water bag broke; I was covered with water and blood. Then I breath with a sigh of relief, I muttered, “ I made it” That was the time when I was so relieved, all my pain was gone, my body was so light as if I was floating in water, I felt like a weightless creature floating freely. Few minutes’ later abortius delivered, followed by placenta.

The nurse cleaned my bed and changed sheets. A while later I was taken for a medical examination. The scanner showed that there were some remaining tissues and for that the uterine must be evacuated. For the evacuation, a tiny surgery was to be performed. An Anesthesiologist Dr Aaron came to me and explained about the procedure and the duration. Before undergoing surgery I underwent preoperative evaluation. It included gathering history of previous anesthetics, and any other medical problems, physical examination, ordering required blood work and consultations prior to surgery. Around 11:30am, the health assistant wheeled me to the operation theatre. I watched my husband follow me.

The theatre’s door slammed closed. I was transferred to the operative table, where my hands and legs were tied. The saline water was applied on my body to keep my body functioning. I was asked to inhale anesthetic gas; this would make me loss of consciousness. Then in few minutes I was in comma. It only felt like few minutes, when I opened my eyes, I saw a surgeon writing something, my neck was dry and aching. My voice has somehow become hoarse. I enquired, “ Doctor, is the surgery over?” the person beside me said, “ Yes, it is done.” Then I waited for them to wheel me to my husband’s side. I was wheeled outside F8 ward, where my dearest husband was waiting me anxiously. My tears dropped seeing him. I was shifted to my bed 25X; I looked up the ceiling mesmerizing all the procedures that I underwent. I smiled thinking all the activities that happened during my hospital stay. I felt so peace, the tranquility that I never felt before. Contentment poured me and with that for the last time I cried while lying on the hospital bed thinking my mum. That was the time when I missed my mother tremendously; I envisioned my mother cuddling me like a little child.

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